Make a little birdhouse in your soul.

A few months back I finally decided to man up, be a brave little trooper and face one of my biggest fears. I don't think I've mentioned this on my blog before but I have a terrible fear of needles. And by terrible I mean completely irrational, all consuming, paralyzing fear. I remember this one time when I was at the hospital with my mom, she was giving blood in the next room and I was waiting in the hall. There was a window and to pass the time I remember looking at this sad little birch tree that was growing in the parking lot. Suddenly one birch became two, two became four and the next thing I know, I was on the ground. So just the idea of needles poking around in some ones skin was enough for me to pass out. So you see the extent of my little phobia. But as I said I finally faced the mother of all my fears and got a tattoo that I've been longing for years. And if you ignore the fact that I almost passed out after the first three minutes and the tattoo artist had to run out for some water and ammonia, I think I did pretty good. Anyway it's a line from the most beautiful poem, written by an Estonian author Artur Alliksaar. I'm not going to translate it, not even going to try. I think it's just one of those things that would get lost in translation. But his words have haunted, inspired and given me peace of mind for as long as I can remember so I'm very happy to always have them with me now. But I'm going to let you enjoy the pictures now, I hope you like them and be sure to tell me what you think :)

Seda aastat alustasin ma äärmiselt vapra väikese sõdalasena. Ma pole vist seda varem maininud, aga mul on tohutu hirm süstalde ees. Ja kui ma ütlen tohutu, siis ma mõtlen täiesti seletamatu, kõikehaarav, kohutav hirm. Mäletan, kui olin emaga kaasas kui viimane otsustas minna verd andma. Ootasin kordoris, kus oli väike aken, millest ma siis ajaviiteks ühte õnnetut kasepuud jälgisin, mis kõigi ja kõige kiuste haigla parkla keskel kasvas. Igaljuhul sai järsku ühest kasest kaks, kahest neli ja juba järgmisel hetkel olin ma pikali ning üks väga hüsteeriline õde suskis nuuskpiirituse tupsuga mu nina all. Ehk piisas vaid teadmisest, et kõrval ruumis on inimesed, kellel on veenides nõelad ja kõik maailma õudused saidki mu peas kokku ja aju otsustas kiire restardi kasuks. Aga nagu ma mainisin, siis alustasin seda aastat äärmiselt võidukalt. Nimelt otsustasin lõpuks jänesed põuest välja peksta ja oma kõige suuremast hirmust üle saada ning teha ära tatoveeringu, mida olen juba kaua-kaua igatsenud. Ja kui ignoreerida fakti, et ma esimese 3 minuti jooksul peaagu pildi taskusse panin ja tubli tindivabriku noorhärra pidi vee ja nuuskpiirituse järgi lippama, siis sain ma päris kenasti hakkama. Ja nüüd ongi minuga alatiseks kaasas Artur Alliksaare kõige ilusamad sõnad, kõige imelisemast väikesest luuletusest, mis on mind juba aastaid kummitanud, inspireerinud ja keerulistel aegadel lohutust pakkunud. Aga teie, mu hiirekesed, olge ikka tublid, ja ma loodan, et pildid meeldivad. :)

(I used CanonEOS 600D and 50mm lens for the photographs)
(skirt from Romwe.com, blouse from Cozbest.com)

Of Monsters and Men - King And Lionheart